


We Have A Situation

by SusieBeeca



Series: Gems With Disabilities [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Other, chipped gem theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 01:45:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SusieBeeca/pseuds/SusieBeeca
Summary: Biggs isn't happy when she finds a defective gem.





	We Have A Situation

“We have a situation.” 

Biggs sighed and uncrossed her ankles, but didn’t take her feet from the desk. “Let’s hear it, Exie.”

The Peridot at the door stiffened slightly. “I would prefer if you didn’t address me as such. Ma’am.”

“And I’d prefer if there wasn’t a ‘situation’, but we can’t always be so lucky, now can we, Exie?” She recrossed her legs and stared at the technician from over the tips of her toes. “How bad is it?”

She swivelled her wrist around to show her the readouts on her screen. “It’s nothing grave. I noticed one of the new Obsidians behaving oddly, and I believe she may need to be reprocessed.”

For a moment, Biggs just stared at her, not bothering to look at the screen. Then she pulled her feet from her desk, put them underneath herself, and rose to her full height. She wasn’t exactly towering---in fact, the top of her head barely came up to the Peridot’s nose---but she had her reputation to lean back on when she needed to be intimidating. “Tell me, Exie... which Peridot was scanning the newborns?”

Peridots weren’t known for showing much emotion, but Biggs caught the slight twitch of her lips. “I was, ma’am.”

“And which Peridot missed this apparent defect?”

“Me, ma’am.”

Biggs put her elbows on the desk and leaned her chin into her hand. “And when a Peridot makes a stupid mistake, what do we do to them?”

“We... reassign them,” she said, but the words after her hesitation were a bit more pinched than intended.

With a grin, Biggs finished with “So it’s a good thing I like your company so much, Exie. Isn’t it? Aren’t you overjoyed you’ll get to deal with me for longer?”

“Yes, ma’am. Overjoyed.” 

“Well, as much as I’d like to hang around and chat, we have a situation to deal with.” She strode around her desk with her hands behind her back. “Bring the defective one in. I’ll take a look at her.”

The Peridot’s screen flickered for a split-second before she dismissed it; it was subtle, but Biggs recognized the nervousness behind her little slip-up. Turning towards the hallway, Exie called out “She will see you now.”

“No she won’t.”

The two gems shared a quick, confused glance. Insubordination?

The voice from the hall was deep, but somehow thin and taut, like a pulled string. “I’m still in the hallway. She won’t be able to see me. Unless she has a mirror.”

“Oh, great! Wonderful! We have a comedian!” Biggs had the urge to peek her head around the door, but she didn’t want this flawed gem to get any ideas about who was in control here. “Get in here, you dumb pebble.”

 

The Peridot took a wide step to the side as a huge, looming shadow fell into the room, and it took quite a bit of restraint for Biggs to hold in her gasp. The doors were made with Jaspers in mind, but this hulking brute actually had to duck her head in order to enter. When she stood back up, the tips of her white-blue hair were grazing the ceiling.

“Ah, yes, I recognize you,” she said when she found her voice again. “I think I saw you sparring some time ago. You’re certainly a lot bigger close-up.”

“Yes. That stands to reason. Objects tend to appear smaller when they’re farther in distance.”

“Funny! Very funny.” She slowly walked closer, drawing her eyes up and down the gem’s body. Stars, she was huge---her shoulders were wider than the doorway! A good fighter, too, if she recalled correctly; it would be a shame to have to smash this one. “So, jokester, so seem to have an attitude problem. Lucky for you, I’m in a good mood today, so why don’t you show me some more of what you got, eh?” She slapped her chest, smirking. “Go on, make me laugh.” 

After a few moments of silence, Biggs took a step closer and craned her head up to meet the Obsidian’s eye. “Tell. Me. A. Joke.”

She bit her lip. “Um... ‘a joke’.”

“Okay, so she’s slow. That’s not a problem; we don’t need her to think.” When Peridot snorted, Biggs whipped her head around to glare, and she quickly summoned her screen in front of her face. “So why do you think this one’s defective, Exie? You’re not _bigoted_ against gems with discolourations, are you?”

Even through the screen, she could see her blush. “No ma’am! Not at all, ma’am!” 

“Good,” she said, still staring right at her. Two days ago this very Peridot had been regaling her comrades with things the ‘revolting splotches’ on Biggs’ face reminded her of---gas clouds, runny lava, the bubble of snot that comes out your nose when you’ve been crying---and only paused when they stopped laughing. Biggs had taken that moment to tap her on the shoulder.

It was nice having a Peridot do your chores and run your errands and dance around at your command. Kind of like having a whiny, ugly Pearl.

“So why is she defective?”

“Sh-she behaves oddly,” she stammered. “Look, I’ll show you.” She turned to the Obsidian and told her: “At ease.”

Immediately her stiff arms curled up to her chest in a weird, unnatural position, and she began tapping her thumbnails together.

“See? She does this all the time.”

“She’s defective because she fidgets? Really, Exie. That’s stupid, even for you.”

“No, she---” She held her floating fingers up in front of her face and tried to gather her thoughts. “She does odd things, ma’am. I’ve caught her tapping her head against a wall for no reason. And she walks in circles when she thinks she’s alone. She’s---she’s weird!”

“But she can fight. And she’s pretty damn huge.” She watched, surprised but curious, as the Obsidian began tilting her head back and forth. “Tell me something, soldier---what is the purpose of an Obsidian?”

The words came tumbling out so quickly it seemed she’d forgotten about punctuation: “ _Obsidian is mineral-like but not a true mineral because as a glass it is not crystalline in addition its composition is too variable to be classified as a mineral it is sometimes classified as a mineraloid though obsidian is usually dark in color similar to mafic rocks such as basalt obsidian's composition is extremely felsic crystalline rocks with obsidian's composition include granite and rhyolite because obsidian is---_ ”

She threw her hands above her head. “Sweet stars above! I asked for your purpose, you dumb pebble, not a damn dissertation!”

“My... my purpose...” Her eyes were wandering around the room, as if she could find the answer somewhere. “My... purpose... is...”

“Lean down,” she said as she curled her finger. “Lean down and look me in the eye.”  
She did so, slowly. By the time her face was level with her commander’s, she was bent over at the waist at a painfully acute angle. Her eyes kept moving back and forth between Biggs’ as she took the time to look at each one individually.

“Your purpose is to do whatever the fuck I tell you to,” she whispered.

She looked confused. “What is ‘fuck’?”

A little smirk played at her lips. Oh, this would be fun. “It’s a word you should say at every possible opportunity.” Then she nodded at her technician. “Especially to her. She loves it.”

Without straightening her back, she turned towards Peridot. “Fuck,” she said. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Biggs let out a hearty laugh when she saw the flush of indignation rise up on her cheeks. “What’s the matter, Pearlidot? The word ‘fuck’ doesn’t make you uncomfortable, does it?”

“And I thought ‘Exie’ was bad,” she grumbled. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

She grabbed her hair in exasperation. “Can you please make her stop? And she’s---she’s staring right at my chest!”

“Well, if you weren’t wearing such a provocative little outfit, then maybe she’d keep her eyes to herself.”

“This is a _standard uniform!!_ ”

Oops... she’d meant it as a joke, but she’d heard a dangerous waver in Exie’s voice. “Hey.” She snapped her fingers to try and get Obsidian’s attention. “Eyes up front, pal.”

She’d stopped cursing at the technician, but she was still looking right at her cleavage.

“Did you not hear me, Obsidian?”

“I heard you,” she told her chest. “I didn’t understand you.”

“Stop staring at her tits!”

She slowly turned her head back to her commander. “What should I look at instead?”

Biggs blew her breath out through her lips with an annoyed puffing sound. “Oh, gee, I don’t know. Why don’t you grab a mirror and look at how ugly you are?”

“Because I don’t know where I can find a mirror.”

It had been meant as an insult (a rather dishonest one, since this gem was sort of handsome) but she’d taken it without a flinch. And there was no humour on her face, no indication that she’d been returning a jab---just pure, simple innocence. 

“Well you sure are a bright one, aren’t you?” she snapped as she gestured for her to stand up straight again.

She righted her back, and her hands returned up in that weird curled position. Tap, tap, tap went her nails. “No. I’m not smart.”

"That was sarcasm.”

She put a finger to her mouth. “What is sarcasm?”

Biggs rolled her eyes. “It’s when you say something but you mean the opposite. Are you completely stupid?”

Exie let out a groan. “Can we _please_ just reprocess her?”

Biggs didn’t turn to her Peridot; she was looking at the Obsidian. And she was looking very carefully. Something was bothering her. This enormous gem didn’t react like most would; she had strange, unusual responses. Her mannerisms were off. Comedy and sarcasm seemed foreign to her. She flapped her fingers bizarrely. Her body language was weird; she seemed incapable of behaving normally.

She... was probably defective. And yet...

“You’re a special little snowflake, aren’t you?” She looked her up and down. “I like that. In fact, that’s your new name now.”

**Author's Note:**

> *bangs fist on table* AUTISTIC GEMS! MORE AUTISTIC GEMS!


End file.
